Baby slam book

Ive seen a lot of 80s movies. The slam book, where you make a written record of all the petty, snide reasons you hate someone so the principal has all the evidence of what a b!tch you and your friends are. So, it's been 15 months since I had a baby. After this month, it will officially be the longest I've gone without being pregnant since I started getting pregnant. Blah. My Fallopian tubes have been disabled, I willingly but regrettably agreed to this procedure to secure a third child. A little therapy could be in order. Anyways. This is my baby slam book. I need this. I need all the reasons I'm done with babies. I need not to be reminded of their cute blobbiness, of the wonderful anticipation of baby baking,or the bliss that is seeing the perfect culmination of you and your mate for the first time. Im warning you some of this might get really specific. Remember I am trying HARD to convince myself.So.

Snapping up outfits only to get to the very end and realize I'm off by one snap.
Schlepping an Infant carrier overflowing with my beefcake babes.
Bib Velcro ruining my burnout shirts in the wash.
Being held hostage by the two-nap schedule.
Im done hand washing bottles and using the little nipple brush.
Formula is expensive.
Spit up is gross.
Babies make a lot of laundry.
Five.point.harnesses.
Standing over the crib at 3:30. Are they breathing? 3:34 yes. 3:37 gotta check one more time.
Beating myself up about not being able to Breastfeed.
Im done stressing out and obsessing over their circumcisions. (Only boys, ya know).
I would certainly like to never change another diaper, or buy diapers ever.
I would like to be able to go to the movies as a family, all of us. You can't do that with a baby.
I like getting hours of uninterrupted sleep, babies mess that up sometimes.
I'm driving, I have to use the restroom, weighing the trade off between just going in my pants and hauling non walking children into a gas station bathroom, the extra weight of which may cause me to go in my pants anyway.
Hate matching up baby socks, even more than regular socks.
Cutting food into minuscule pieces.
Eating my food cold because I was spooning food into another mouth
I'd like to go on another cruise someday and be able to put my kids in the activity program on the boat, but I'd never leave a helpless, non verbal infant.
Filling in the baby book. Forgetting to fill in the baby book.
Milestone anxiety.
Potty training.
Oh, baby proofing is a pain.
Hate gaining 65 lbs to grow a 7 lb human.
Being pregnant is basically a pain, at least Charlie says it is, I can only remember sunshine and rainbows and fat.
Babies can't tell you what's wrong with them and they scream a lot.
I would like one day not to have to drive a mini van, or my vehicle to look like a herd of homeless cats live in it.
If I did have another baby we'd probably have to get, like, a real van, A-team style...without the flames.
Diaper bag shoulder.
Major abdominal surgery. ( only c-sections, ya know)
Now, in real life, I've never been afraid to let my crazy show, so why should it be different here...I wouldnt be me if I didnt say....as crazy as my kids make me, as close to teetering off the edge as I am...I still hope and pray that maybe one day another child may find its way to us....not necessarily a baby.

Crap.